Spring is (hopefully, that groundhog had BETTER BE RIGHT) coming, and I've been thinking about bikes, specifically biking in loli and NOT in the four million layers of clothing that winter biking calls for.  But last time I made a post on /cgl/ about biking in loli, people got bitchy about it.  Why?  Because I was choosing to be safe and wear sneakers instead of caek shoes.  Oh my.  And apparently physical activity isn't loli.

( Read more... )

so i was driving around in edgebrook the other day, on these bitsy little streets that are right in the woods, and i noticed a little sidewalk that went from this tiny little neighborhood, through the woods, and back out to civilisation (mostly to the train station) and i thought "holy hell that would be a good subject for a comic."
it's like,
one walks on this path, from the normal world...
... into...
into this weird-loli-fantasy world where the streetlights are tall skinny mushrooms, people ride on giant cats, and cabaret is the primary form of entertainment.
i need to better develop this world, and draw about it, because my  brother wants to start putting together a zine, and says that if i edit i'll have free reign for putting my stuff in.

if he would just tell me he doesn't like me, i would leave him alone.
but he won't do that.
bastard.

so this is the story of me, "alice", and darksteel.  maybe someone will know what i'm talking about, but i highly doubt it.
i met darksteel in july last year.  in fact, the 26th of july, at an anonymous raid.  he could do crazy contortions, which i thought was awesome.  and i thought he was cute, i guess.  maybe that's all there is to him, i think now.  but his parents offered me a ride home, so i took it, and we talked in the car about how we both like painting and stuff, and then exchanged numbers and emails, and went about our merry way.
before the next protest, in august, we exchanged emails and texting and stuff, and i learned about "alice", some girl in the UK who darksteel thought he was in love with despite not actually knowing her.  he emailed me the letter he wanted to send her, to see if i thought it would be good, and i thought this "alice" person would be competition.
sometime after that we began dating.  he said he liked me because i accepted him, but it turns out it was only for sex.  he told me to promise not to leave, and i did, so now i think i'm stuck.
then in december sent me an email...
"Listen, esther, i think we should see other people...i'm just not stable enough for you, you ned someone who's not a complete nutjob who cuts himself. you need someone who can return your love...someone who won't sign his life away for someone he's never net..."
i wanted to discuss it all in person, but he hardly bothered to contact me after that.  so i went to his house in february, got nervous, started crying, couldn't speak.  typical.
sometime beginning of this month, i was bored, google-searching a couple things, and found out that "alice" wasn't real after all.  i got in contact with "alice", who thought the whole thing between myself and darksteel was only because of "alice."
i also found this from him, on a d&d board...
"You know that feeling when you do something so stupid, you feel like even your family won't forgive you/ that, because of what you've said, they'll hate you forever/
I do. Last night, I got in a fight with an admin. some things were said, my old account was deleted, and...well, it kinda went downhill from there. Or rather, ome more things were said, and i ended up taking a razor to my wrist. I don't recomend it, it hurt quite a bit.
Alot, in fact. I do have something to confess, that i love some people like my own family. Sky and matt...the trouble with being in the emergency room on painkillers is thtyou start to think about things. Like the pople you love, the people you call family crying at your funeral. I couldn't stnd if...i honestly never want to try it again.
Consider this psot a promise. i will never try something like this, ever again. This goes outto my family, and everyone else who cares about me..."
problem is, i care about him, and i would be one of the ones crying at his funeral, and he doesn't care about me.  so that part about caring isn't true.
and now, because he doesn't want me talking to "alice", he's told "alice" that he's just pretending to be me on IM and other places.
i'm beyond pissed.
and i'm disgusted.
but i still love him.
i wish i could stop loving him, and stop thinking about him, but i can't.
i don't know if anything will become of this post.  i kind of hope both of them die alone, and i'm upset that i've always been caught up in the middle of this.  now everyone gets hurt.  but it feels like mostly me.  and i hope no-one ever trusts him again. 

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger (3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-17
Dexterity-16
Constitution-11
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-13
Charisma-14

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)


detailed...
Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXX (8)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Chaos --- XXXXXX (6)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXX (4)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Gnome ---- XXXX (4)
Halfling - XXXXXXXX (8)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Half-Orc - XXXX (4)

Class:
Barbarian - (-6)
Bard ------ XX (2)
Cleric ---- (-10)
Druid ----- XXXX (4)
Fighter --- (-2)
Monk ------ (-15)
Paladin --- (-19)
Ranger ---- XXXXXX (6)
Rogue ----- (-6)
Sorcerer -- (0)
Wizard ---- XXXX (4)

for some reason i thought i would end up a ranger... not so sure about lawful/neutral good, though.

http://www.cwtv.com/thecw/topmodel-cycle13-Casting

finally, girls my height in cycle 13... auditions next week!  but..
must make a list...

pro
-live in the house, with all the drama that goes on  in said house.
- get  "discovered"
- photoshoots on ANTM are always interesting

con
- covergirl, part of proctor and gamble, is one of the worst companies in the world with regards to animal testing policy... and they're the ones who you have to do a contract with.
- other people doing my hair and makeup, and touching me.
- house drama
-leave home... what if things get better?

so i just don't know.

The house next door is nearly empty, the nice family in it moved away, on a dreary rainy day.
Hopefully the new family is just as nice.

The things that remain-

-The owner of the house, waiting for realtor and waiting for closing.
-Lanterns on the tree out front.
-A statue of the Virgin Mary in the backyard.

suits are for the office.  and the skirt-highheel-pantyhose combo is for june cleaver.  frances disgusts me, and yet i can't stop watching her trainwreck of a journal.

<div style="display:none"></form></div><div align="center"><form target="_top" action="http://www.memegen.net/viewmeme.pl" method="post"><table style="border: 1px solid; border-color: 000000; border-collapse: collapse; font-size: 10pt; width: 500px;"><tr><td colspan="2" style="background-color: 1F87B2; color: FFFFFF; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; font-size: 12pt;">What Is Your HP Threesome?
by elschan</td></tr><tr><td style="background-color:4FA7D2; border: 1px solid black; color: 000000; padding: 2px;">Name</td><td style="background-color:FFFFFF; border: 1px solid black; padding: 2px; color: 000000"><input type="text" name="Name" value="Essie"></td></tr><tr><td style="background-color:4FA7D2; border: 1px solid black; color: 000000; padding: 2px;">You Will Shag</td><td style="background-color:FFFFFF; border: 1px solid black; padding: 2px; color: 000000">Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix LeStrange</td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" style="background-color:1F87B2; text-align: center; padding: 4px;"><input type="submit" value="Fill out your answers and try it on Memegen.net!"></td></tr></table><input type="hidden" name="meme" value="1071169453"></form></div>


and i'm fine with that.

1. i should have never fallen in love
2. i should have never gone out there today
3. the fact that i have feelings for anyone is amazing
4. i want to be a part of him
5. he's being incredibly selfish, and that hurts
6. promise
7. having my heart broken only increases my being a jerk
8. he can be better and actually care, it's just easier not to.